Frances Dilorinzo

Frances Dilorinzo is the master of combining different worlds. Her most rewarding combo is the life she lives... Mommy by day... Comedian by Night!

Dilorinzo's stand-up comedy stems from her free spirit. She combines enthusiasm with sarcasm and intellect with silliness. She is married with children and once the boys are tucked in bed, Frances entertains mothers, daughters, husbands and brothers in comedy clubs across the country. Her subject matter alone brings about great laughs, as she addresses maternal madness, seducing her hunting and fishing obsessed husband and of course sex! Frances doesn't take herself too seriously, she believes in putting the "fun" in "funny" and allowing humor to help you ride through the tough times. She speaks of this first-hand as she celebrates her first year as a Cancer Warrior!!

Frances Dilorinzo: Back To School Flip Flops!

SCHOOL CAN MAKE YOU CRAZY

So most kids are either back in school, or like us, heading there on Monday.

The first day of school brings on a mental madness that is enough to make you want to
strap on a new jacket - and I don’t mean one from Nordstrom’s half year –yearly sale.
I’m talking about the kind that only comes in white, with a bunch of buckles and locks, and only magicians can get out of it!

Come September, our thoughts start to flip flop at every turn and if we actually spoke our every thought, people would think we are truly crazy because we change our minds, positions and desires more than we ever changed our newborn’s dirty diapers…and that was a lot! Sometimes we don’t even notice it, because it’s normal to moms, but if you pay attention we truly live in a sea of mental contradiction.

Four weeks ago, I looked at the calendar and got bummed out thinking, I can’t believe
school will be starting soon and summer is almost over! So, I jammed in non-stop activities for my boys and me…

I woke up this morning, completely drained from fun and thought to myself, I can’t wait to turn them over to the school system until 2:35 each day. Two seconds later…I start to think about the grind. Then, I resent school starting! Then all of a sudden I want to hold on to all the things that drive me crazy. I want my
family to wake up in PJs, and stay in PJs. I want to watch a bunch of cartoons I can’t stand. I want to hear “What can we do now??” every twenty minutes. I want to know that the minute I pick up the phone, one of my kids will have something very important to ask me. I want to hear “I’m hungry!” the second I finish cleaning the kitchen. I want to build Lego’s, when I don’t give a crap about building Lego’s. I want to say, “Whose shoes are those?” when I know damn well whose shoes they are. I want to hear “Mommy, I want that!” twenty times before I walk out of Target.

Three seconds later…I flip. It will be so nice to have some time to myself again. I can’t wait to hear my own thoughts. I’ll be able to shave the full length of my legs, instead of just the part that shows. When I go shopping, it will be for me, instead of for superhero underpants! Four seconds later…I think to myself…but superhero underpants are so cute!

Five seconds later…I have a flash back of school days. Yuck…I don’t want to be holding up flash cards as I weave through traffic on our way to baseball. I don’t want to say, “Are library books due today?” when I just said it yesterday, and I know I’ll say it again tomorrow. I don’t want to spend $30 to build a Leprechaun Trap…when I know damn well there are NO leprechauns to trap! I don’t want force my seven-year-old kid to learn how to spell Antarctica when I know he will be using spell check for the rest of his life!

My thinking goes back and forth, and back and forth…and, it never ends! Neither
position is right or wrong. It just is, because we are moms…and motherhood is madness with a big dose of “I wouldn’t change it for the world”!

Frances Dilorinzo’s Homemade Implants!

Frances Dilorenzo's Homemade Implants!

Funny Frances Dilorenzo has touched on brilliance with this one!! Her recent appearance on Comedy Time is HILARIOUS!
Watcher beware - you’ll need to pee FIRST and keep all sharp objects out of your reach as you view her “Homemade Implants” routine! ENJOY!!!!

Just One of Those Days!

Sometimes you can’t help waking up in the morning feeling frustrated and pissy. Well…at least I can’t!

Yesterday was one of those days. I start wondering what the hell is going on? Why are things happening the way they are?

Why are The Real Housewives of Orange County going to daytime TV…and I’m not? Am I just jealous? (Yes) After all, I am an Orange County Housewife…I actually filmed about six episodes of the show, but Bravo always cut me out. I thought people would love a “real” mom, a “real” wife, and a “real” sarcastic comedian on that show. But, apparently, I’m not real enough to be on reality TV. I finally embarrassed myself as…The Rejected Housewife of Orange County.

Now what? Where do I do from here? A million questions run through my head…Do I stop chasing my dreams? Am I not good enough? Why does my husband want to get laid again, when we just had sex in February? Then, for some reason, I start to resent Oprah. I even think about retaining a lawyer to form a class action lawsuit against her, and anyone who claims they are trying to “inspire me” but actually make me feel like a loser. Then the questions in my head begin again…Am I taking things too personally? Why am I paying a monthly fee for a gym I only go to in January? Should I drink red or white wine tonight?

I get tired of celebrities who are constantly bragging about how amazing their lives are and then try to give someone like me hope by saying, “Dreams do come true!” Not always… I had a dream in HD about a three way with Matthew McConaughey and David Letterman, but that didn’t come true! BTW, McConaughey was an ego stroke, and Letterman was a business move.

But, then something really “real” strikes me. Last night, I over heard my 6-year-old son say to my 7-year-old son “Does Mommy have to work tonight?” And, when I came around the corner and said, “No, not tonight” he leaped into my arms and we rolled on the ground battling each other with kiss attacks. I then, realized I am living a dream!

Moments later, I poured my self a nice glass of wine, from the best box I could find. I picked up the phone, bonded with a friend, and bitched about the life…that I truly love and adore!

It’s so easy to get too close to ourselves that we can’t even see what we have! It’s a silly little cycle. And it’s normal, to sometimes want more than what we have…. that’s what new inventory at Marshall’s does to us. But, honestly, we just need to recognize that these are crazy “female” moments. They pass through us, and we get to the other side! We become hopeful and joyful again, and real moments actually make us feel grateful!

As for me…I do what I love. I am a Mommy by Day, and a Comedian by Night! The blending of these worlds allows me not to take life all too seriously. I try to step outside of myself and laugh at the things that make me crazy. Then I get back on the ride called life, and Ride with No Hands!

Funniest Housewives of Orange County

MOMZ IN THE MIX invites you to meet Frances Dilorinzo whose “momedy” focuses on her POV on life after motherhood!

We caught up with Funny Frances as she performed at the world famous IMPROV with the “Funniest Housewives of Orange County” troupe.
This is one hilarious mom you SHOULD stand in line to see!

MOMZ IN THE MIX is so excited to have Frances on board as part of our MASTER MOMZ Panel of Experts!